Saturday, February 27, 2010

Wearing your raincoat? Cause this shit'll get you wet.

I'd make the greatest guy in the world. I'd have enough pick-up lines to awkwardly hit on every woman in the world, twice. But I'm not, so I shan't. And who am I kidding, I'd be such a stunning male specimen, I'd never understand the concept of delivering pick-up lines with the droves of women trying to hit it.

ANYwhore, here's some pick up lines for those of you that need em.

You in highschool? What a coincidence! I went to highschool too!
For you particularly scummy people that want to exercise their inner puma/papito. Now take your creepy pick up line, and get the fuck outta here. ya'perves.

*manage a cig off your prospective target* You know I don't really smoke, I just really wanted something of yours in my mouth
This one works for both sexes, but especially in favor for the women. If this doesn't have him buying you a drink or two, you're either hag ugly or barking up the wrong tree. Fortune favors the first reason though... I mean you're using a bloody pick up line.

*flip a coin* So what's my chances of getting head tonight?
For the men: Save this for the special little skank in your life. Or try it out on that girl that just got rejected for using the former pick-up line.

I give great hand jobs... with my mouth.
This is for ya'll nasty ladies that want to be direct and feisty. Do tell how it works out post-deployment. Or don't. I don't know?

If these lines fail, I'm going to blame it on your execution. Everything I write is golden, but you manage to fuck it up. No wonder Simon said such nasty things about you... Well, back to the wreckage that is rejection, ensuing from your fail execution of one of the above lines. Before you leave the scene, you might as well let the fucker burn in huge flames. Go mortal combat on their ass and 'finish' 'em with "you can't afford to be a bitch, you aren't that hot". Just a thought... Then mellow out on some LMFAO.

I'm not a whore - LMFAO (myspace)
Yes - LMFAO (myspace)

aSOS' resident Ronin Robot Dancer

1 comment:

Jezebel said...

I got the first one once. No lie.

But everything else made me lizz. I think I will try them when I'm drunk if I remember.

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